coconut washboards.

Sometimes, life beats you down. You know you have to stand back up but you feel like staying on the ground to sob a while longer.

We aren't always blessed with what we desire, even if it can be the only thing we ever want and fervently pray for to keep for ourselves. It's the kind of thing that has to be given to you, like an inborn talent.

I've never really understood how it felt like to want something that you're not born with so badly. I've always been able to bake pretty decently, even from the start with absolutely no form of teaching, so I could only laugh and shrug when others tell me how they wish they could bake like that too. But, finally, I'm on the receiving end.

I try so hard but it's not good enough. It's just short of best. Sub-par. Second place. I'm going to fight on, because crying about it does not solve the problem.

These cookies, I think, are meant to be soft in the middle and full of coconut flavour. If you want them crunchy on the outside and heavily emanating alluring scents of coconut and butter, you have to have them warm, a few minutes out of the oven.

Coconut Washboards
makes 54 cookies
adapted from Baking by Flavour

3 sifted cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
3/4 cup unsalted butter
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 large egg + 1 large egg yolk
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 tbsp heavy cream
1 2/3 cups lightly packed sweetened flaked coconut (I used desiccated)

Preheat oven to 400F. Prepare baking sheets.

Sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon together into a bowl.

Beat the butter until smooth. Add the brown sugar in 2 additions, beating to incorporate after each addition. Add in the sugar and beat until the mixture is pale and fluffy. Beat in the eggs, vanilla extract and heavy cream. Mix in the coconut. Stir in the flour mixture in two additions, until no traces of flour remain.

Spoon out the dough by rounded tablespoons and form into oval-shaped logs. place the logs of dough 3 inches apart in the lined baking sheets, arranging them 9 to a sheet (although I managed to squeeze in more). Flatten the balls slightly. Then using the tines of a fork, make rows of striated impressions to flatten each ball of dough into a rounded oval.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until set. The bottom of the cookies and the edges will be golden.